Month: May 2015

Only A Woman

A Place for Pain, Leadership, Risk, The Single Life, We The Church View all 3 comments

Joy Williams recently released a song, “Woman (Oh Mama)”. It’s a tribute to womanhood and while I prefer her earlier music, there is a line in her new single that perfectly describes how I am feeling at this moment.

“I am The Universe wrapped in skin.”

The universe is full of mysteries that will never be solved. It is complex, containing great big wondrous creations and tiny intricate slivers of life. It is full of light and dark. The universe is in constant motion but contained in the stillness of space.

I am the universe.

I want to speak honestly here, but I confess that I am afraid. I am afraid of what you might think. I am afraid that I might seem weak. Still, I know I am not alone in the place where I kneel. I know there are others with the same aches, same questions. So it is with fear and trembling, yet with humility and strength that I let my heart bleed out into my words.

You see, this past week, leading up to Mother’s Day, my tiny world was flooded with questions of a woman’s place.

I preached a sermon, my first, this past Sunday and it went well. I believe that God spoke through me, that He used me to say things that my church family needs to hear. But, I grew up in a tradition, different than the one I find myself in now, that taught me that men are preachers and pastors and leaders of the church. Women lead women and children and never men. So I wrestle with my place at the pulpit even when I’m sure the words in my mouth are from The Father.

Two days prior to my inaugural sermon, I came across a post from someone I respect that reiterated what I’d learned in my youth about women taking the pulpit. Doubt flooded my mind and heart. And the questions wrapped around my throat. More than “What is my place?”, the questions were “Woman. Who am I?” With prayer, and knowing I stood also in the support of many Godly men and women, the waters of doubt subsided and I spoke in the authority of The Spirit on Sunday.

Still, I’d be lying if I said I am certain now of where I stand as a woman.

And it wasn’t only my own questions. I had conversations with two students last week about women in leadership. Women in marriage. Women in life. They came to me, with hearts laid open. Looking for wisdom. Asking for a sounding board. Offering the pearls formed by the questions turning over in their minds. And I told them what I know. And I told them what I think. And I told them what I wonder.

See, this place in history, in MY history as well as in our collective history, is tearing at the soul of woman. On one side, the quest for equality is being blamed for the fall of mankind. But on the other, the strength of woman is being lauded as the missing piece finally found. From one voice I respect, “why women should not preach” and from another, “why shouldn’t they?“.

And then there was this:

“As a man gets more powerful and successful, he is better liked. As a woman gets more powerful and successful, she is less liked.”

And that makes women fear growth. As a single woman, it feeds the fear that if I continue to follow my ambition, my desire to grow into the things God has wired into my soul, that I will outgrow the possibility of ever being desirable to a man. It’s a lie. It must be. Men surely cannot be so intimidated or turned off by a woman following her dreams that he can only imagine life with a woman who has done nothing but wait for him to show up.

And yet, that is the lie that is fed to us so often.

And here I find myself, wrestling with these questions, this place in history ripping holes in the universe of my soul. I do not yet fully grasp who I am as a woman. Who I am meant to be. Where I am to stand.

Here is what I know:

  • I delight in what God is doing with my days.
  • I cherish the opportunities He has given me to grow.
  • I desire to use whatever platform He gives to speak life.
  • I enjoy this season.
  • I ache for a new season.
  • I  love adventure and dream of someone to journey alongside.
  • I pray for students and friends whom I am privileged to nurture in the now.
  • I weep for the not-yet of my children whom I long to hear call me mama.

See, there are mysteries within me that will never be solved by anyone other than the Life-giver. There are within me great big wondrous creations and tiny intricate slivers of life. Both light and darkness fill my skin. I am constant motion contained in the stillness of the Maker’s hands. I am a woman.

Letters to The Family: Andrea

Letters to The Family, We The Church One comment

Meet Andrea. Isn’t she gorgeous?! When I met this lovely woman, she was entering her sophomore year of high school and I was the summer intern in the hills of Austin, TX. Andrea was an intense pursuer of truth then and she continues to be today…perhaps with a bit more clarity on what it is she’s seeking. I love this woman and God was so sweet to reconnect us a couple of years ago. She has grown into a beautiful woman of God.

AndreaIn her own words: I’m passionate about life and freedom. My dream is for everyone to know their true identity and walk into freedom in Christ and their purpose. I’m addicted to coffee and laughter, I love to travel and experience new cultures, kayaking is my favorite activity and beaches bring me great joy. I love hugs! I thrive on deep conversations but also love the light easy ones as well. I live my life to please the Father and know Him more than yesterday. I’m an myers briggs ENFP to a T, but don’t put me in a box. You can most likely find me staring off into space day dreaming or wondering why things are the way that they are. 

Dear Bride, Beloved, Body of Christ,

My head and my heart have been everywhere in regards to you. I’ve found myself praying on your behalf a lot lately. I’m not exactly sure why. The Lord will say, “pray for my people” so I do. And then I really feel it.

I feel the burden that you walk in fear.

I feel the burden that you may not know your purpose, so you give up.

I feel the burden that you’re stuck in confusion in regards to your calling.

I feel the burden that you don’t truly know you’re loved by the Father.

I feel the burden that you’re ashamed of your past.

I feel the burden that you don’t really know who you are and whose you are.

I feel the burden that you’re living a performance driven life and it’s burning you out.

I feel your burden, your uncertainty, your frustration, your pain, your anger, and your sadness.

And with all of that said…

I’ve also feel the heart of the Father in the midst of those burdens.
It breaks and it cries.
I feel His heart for you.
I feel His love for you.

Church, the Father longs for a more intimate relationship with you! He wants you to know Him!
And I believe this is the invitation and word for us. He needs us to be his hands, his embrace, his touch, his voice, and his healing.

I feel like we over complicate it, Church.

It’s like we get so caught up in ourselves and what church should look like, we somehow miss the point. The point isn’t to go to church on Sunday to leave feeling good and it’s definitely not to check it off our list of duties for the week.

The point being that maybe there’s something more to this whole following God thing.
That maybe He’s a loving Father who truly delights in us.
That maybe He’s still alive today just as He was 2000+ years ago.
That maybe He still speaks to us.
That maybe He cares more about His relationship with us than He cares about our “calling”, purpose, or what we are going to do with our life and where we’re going.

These past few days I’ve had the opportunity to sit at the feet of two missionaries that felt called to move to the middle east years ago where persecution is happening all around them. As they talked, I felt like a little kid, with wide eyes in amazement that there’s actually men and women who risk their lives for the Kingdom of God every single day.

They live their lives discipling the younger generation.
They know that if they go outside of their home to meet with another believer there’s a high chance of getting caught by the persecutors, and they will go Home.

I sat there convicted. I’ve heard the voice telling me to go. I’ve heard the voice telling me there’s something more. I’ve heard the confirmation that ministry isn’t a calling, it’s a lifestyle. And I do my best to live according to these things…But I still find myself afraid to tell the cashier in front of me at Walmart that God loves them.

Church family, what if we lived our lives according to the gospels and walked outside of our comfort zone? What if we believed everything that the scriptures say about us, about Him, and about His love for us? What if we let go of those worries and burdens we have about ourselves and the energy we use on worrying we use on caring for those around us? What if we loved the Lord so much we would risk our lives for His name to go to the people who have never heard of the name of Jesus before.

And because we’re not, I’m beginning to realize there’s something affecting our relationship with Him; because if we know we’re truly loved in full by the Father, that we’re truly free, that we’re Sons and Daughters of the King, that our home isn’t here on earth but in Heavenly places, then maybe… just maybe, our lives would look a little different.And maybe… just maybe, we wouldn’t be afraid of man and what man might think of us or do to us.

I’m not saying drop everything you know and move to the middle east, but I am saying there’s an urgency that the Father wants to pound in our heads.That there’s something more that He offers and all we have to do is receive it and live it out.

There’s an invitation, He calls us to live uncomfortable lives, church. He’s telling us to let go of the comforts and place them in His hands, “The comforts” being that thing we hold on to so tightly, we would be an absolute mess if we no longer had it.The thing that makes our heart fall to the pit of our stomach if it were no longer a part of our lives.

Yeah, that comfort… that’s the comfort he’s asking us to let go of.

And when that comfort is gone, we begin to walk into an uncomfortable place.

It will be unfamiliar, it might even be a little challenging.
But it’s in those places where we lean into the Father…
It’s in those places that fear, anxiety, and uncertainty will leave.
It’s in those places we will find so much freedom.
It’s in those places that our eyes and ears begin to open to the world around us and we begin to see others the way God see’s them.
It’s in those places that we begin to tap into something that these missionaries already possess and walk in.

It’s in those places that I believe we will truly live, find freedom, and become revival.

So church, here’s my challenge to you:
Will you let go? Will you step outside of comfort and embrace the uncomfortable?
Church, will you go outside of your four walls and hug a stranger? Tell the cashier they’re loved? Pray for a person in need?

Todd White once said, “2/3’s of God is Go.”
You’re called to make disciples to all the nations; maybe that means internationally and/or domestically, I’m not one to make that call, but God is.

So that’s the invitation I think the Father wants to extend to you, church, will you let go and just go?