Letters to The Family

Letters to the Family: Angie

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Last week, you got to hear from one of my five hundred new internet friends (I still am trying to wrap my mind around how we created a healthy community on social media.) This week, I’d like to introduce to you another of these genuine, fun-loving ladies, Angie Dailey. Here is what I have noticed about Angie. She is a learner. She often is sharing ideas she has come across or asking for input on whatever she happens to be thinking about at the time. I love this! None of us ever stop learning, but some of us are just a bit more intentional in the process. 

AngieIn her own words: I live in rural Ohio with my husband and family. I write at Metamorphosis, my personal blog. (angelinadawn.blogspot.com) I spend my best and most important time with the Creator of the Universe, and with my family. I love coffee, Jesus and gardening, not in that order. I hope you enjoy my letter- the division of women in churches is crippling ministry, and it tugs at my heart. 

Dear Ladies in Church,

I often wonder what it would be like if we all saw ourselves as equals, like Jesus did. I dream of a day when Women’s Ministry is a priority for all of us, fellowshipping with one another and praying together. I have a picture in my mind’s eye of a room full of women of all ages, worshipping and loving, just like we are supposed to do. I see an empty seat and worry about where YOU are tonight. Are you spending this evening alone? Are you so wrapped up in television, socializing or working that there is no time for your church family? Are you hurting, feeling lonely and afraid? Is there something we need to know, something we can help you through? I miss you on an evening so full of fun and grace. I really wanted to share my story with you, and to hear your story. I want to know your triumphs as well as your tragedies. I want to hold your hand when you need it, and lean on your shoulder when I need to.

Forgive me for questioning your motives; I just do not understand the great divide that has become between us as women. The most valuable things I have ever learned, I learned from the generation that is older than I am. There is so much to be shared, learned and loved when we gather as one. We have the power to influence our families, our church bodies and our communities. When we stand united through Christ, we can make such a difference in so many ways, and it starts right here, in our own churches. As women in the body of Christ, we all read the Bible, we worship together in our home churches, and we pray to the same Living God. We drop our kids off at Sunday school, and we hear the message each week, yet we are all so very much divided. I think upon further investigation, we will find we have more in common than we are willing to admit.

I am still praying for the day when all of our physical, political and societal differences can be put aside, so we can spend some quality girl-time together. I would love to drink coffee with you, splurge on chocolate cake and cry over our heartaches. I would love to be a witness to the great testimony of friendship and grace that only Christ can bring into a relationship like ours could be. I would love to walk into any church and know that I am accepted because I belong to Jesus, our most important common thread.

I will close this letter with this- I am missing the fellowship of women who laugh, love and live as fiercely as I do. I see them every week, as you do, and then they are gone until the next service starts. I feel as though I am missing something, and it’s something I have only had a brief taste of. Christian friendships among women are important, and fellowship and unity are part of that. I don’t want to be a part of a small clique; I want to be part of the women at my church. Most of all, I want you to be a part of your church too.

Angie Dailey

Letters to The Family: Cheryl

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Last week zoomed by so quickly that I forgot to post our next letter. This week’s letter comes from one of my newest friends. A few months ago, I was chosen from 5000 people to be one of 500 to be a part of a launch team for Jen Hatmaker’s next book which releases in August (but is available for pre-order now). This amazing group of 500 has become the most life-giving, genuine online community I’ve ever experienced. We are all gathering in September. All 500 of us…or those who can make it. A handful of these new friends happen to live in my city, so we decided to have our own little hangouts. One of these is the dearest Cheryl Moses. She is a gatherer of people and she shines with such joy! I haven’t known her long but I’m so glad I know her now!

CherylIn her own words, Cheryl Moses is the  Secretary and Ladies’ Ministry Leader at Calvary Community Church in Houston, TX. She has been at Calvary for 24 years and in that time her understanding of who Jesus is and how big His love is for her, has grown considerably. “I’ve always had a heart for serving others and ministering to women. Yet for all that I am and profess to be, a re-purposed mess may be the best description I can give for myself. If God can use me to touch just one soul through anything I say or do, then my life has been well spent.” Cheryl is single and the mom to Beau, a beautiful black Shar-Pei mix, and Ebby, to a host of babies and toddlers at her home church.

Dear Family,

I could not be more appreciative of the many ways in which you’ve nurtured me and so many others along the way. I have been extravagantly blessed by the many ways I’ve been poured into over the years, but I’d like to share with you a few things I think you should know.

Be kind to singles. Please don’t ignore us.

Please don’t lump us into a group and then close the door on us, never to check in or inquire as to how we’re doing. Consider that we walk a different path whether by choice, circumstance or in waiting, and our lives are distinctively different from most.

Invite us to serve. Ask us personally, to do so. Please don’t ask the group and consider that our “special invitation.” See in us something worthy of pursuing – a gift you need in order to be complete as a whole. We want to be included.

Don’t assume that we have no interest in coming together with others who are not in our place in life, because that’s just not true. We understand the value of gleaning all we can from those in different life stages. We value your wisdom, your insight and your perspective on things and we hope you value ours.

We are not spiritually “less than” because we are only one individual. We have as much of the Holy Spirit as you do and our singleness does not make us incomplete or incapable of serving the purposes of God in any arena because we are just one entity. We have The Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit living inside of us. So I guess that trumps all suspicion. If anything, we have less distractions to pursuing the Lord more passionately, and more persistently. So please don’t assume that we are less spiritual because we’re single and our life choices are different.

Lastly, please recognize that at times our life can be very difficult, especially in the waiting. Love from our brothers and sisters, hugs, kind words, invites to lunch after church and the occasional, “I’m praying for you,” impact us more than you will ever know. We may not say it or often let on, but being single sometimes is hard. Recognizing this fact and then making us aware that you care, can make a world of difference in a rough day.

Remember, we’re just like you, only we sleep alone! We talk to our pets instead of kids and we only have to pick up after ourselves. Our hearts yearn for what yours does: more of Jesus, to bring Him honor and to live our lives to the fullest in whatever stage of life we might find ourselves. See, we’re not so very different.

Blessing you,

Cheryl

Letters to The Family: Scott

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Meet Scott. I haven’t seen this friend since 2007 and back then he was one very impressive middle school student. Scott was member of a student ministry for which I interned. Actually, his dad was my boss and the entire family is just so dear to me even though our paths intersected for only three short months. Recently, via the wonderful world of social media, I reconnected with this sweet family and discovered that Scott is a writer. The first time I read his words, I was floored. It’s an amazing thing to think back to middle school students you used to know and find that they have grown to be articulate, mature, godly young people. After you read this beautiful letter he has written to us (which happens to echo some earlier conversations), please go bookmark his site. I know you will continual be encouraged by his wisdom and ability to articulate the sweet, true things of life.
Scott
In his own words: Hey people! I’m Scott Shaver, and I’m a 21 year-old student at Texas A&M. Originally from Austin, I’ve grown up around the idea of adventuring – in life, with my feet, alongside my friends and family – and it’s been a joy the whole way through. I’m an awkward (but avid) dancer, a mountain hiker and a Fightin’ Texas Aggie who is trying hard, and often failing, to chase after Jesus. I hope these words are an encouragement, a challenge and a good time all wrapped up in a nice, 800 word package. Enjoy!
Friends, Church –

I think we were meant for a lot more than this. I think we were meant to be more than consumers shopping around for the best church-going experience.

I’ll start with myself. My three years in College Station at Texas A&M have been beautiful, the best three years of my life. I’ve experienced community in ways I couldn’t have dreamed of before. I’ve made friends that I will walk the path of the rest of my life with. I’ve made an impact on this campus, and this campus has absolutely made an impact on me. But I haven’t done church well. Not even a little bit.

I showed up in College Station three years ago on a Sunday, and, in one way or another, I’ve been looking for a church home ever since. I’ve hopped around from service to service, comparing worship and preaching, beliefs and the fantastically insignificant church-measuring metric of “vibe.” I’ve tried most of the churches in town, and though I’ve been consistently going to my current church for about a year now, I still wouldn’t call it my home.

I’ll never be able to call a church home if I’m only attending as a consumer. I’ll show up on Sundays, consume worship and teaching and maybe even a little community, and give absolutely nothing back. I try not to think too much about the way I do church. It makes me a little sick.

For so many of us (at least for college students), this method of churchgoing is standard. We show up, contribute nothing, and go home unsatisfied. But that’s not how the church was formed! Acts 2:44 says that, “all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had.” They didn’t meet once a week and consume. They worked together, lived together, ate meals together, enjoyed fellowship together. This original Church, the church so many claim as a model, was far from what we call church today.

So what can we do today to change this? What can we do to start being contributors and stop being consumers?
  1.  We can pick a church and stick with it. There is great wisdom in consistently sitting under the preaching of a pastor who knows where his congregation stands. This is a man who’s entire job consists of leading you spiritually. Hopefully, that means knowing you, living with you, and working to teach you in ways that you need to be taught. This is a good thing.
  2. We can serve The Church. Whether it’s working with homeless people on Sundays at Church Under the Bridge, stacking chairs after service or leading a Bible Study during the week, there is immense value in serving the church. It takes you out of the consumer mindset, and, more importantly, it provides the church with a very valuable resource: you.
  3. We can give generously to The Church. This may be the simplest, and at the same time the most difficult, method of overcoming consumerism. Consumerism, both inside and outside The Church, tells us to hold on to our money. It tells us there might be something we need it for down the road, like a new TV or house. Jesus tells us something different. “Each one must give as he has decided in his heart, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” – 2 Corinthians 9:7. You’ve heard this before. I struggle with it mightily. Let’s work to get better at giving cheerfully.
  4. We can live in community with The Church. This is a big one. The latter portion of Acts 2 is all about community. Church isn’t a place you go on Sundays. It’s not even a place you go on Sundays and Wednesdays. The Church is the people who make up the body of Christ, and those people are called to live together in community. Sometimes that looks like sharing a meal together. Sometimes it looks like playing mini-golf on a Thursday afternoon. Sometimes it looks like praying desperately together, and sometimes it looks like serving selflessly together. The people you go to Church with should be the people you do life with. Doing life together is a big, broad term that basically captures the spirit of the first church. Acts is a great place to start for tangible examples of what “doing life together” looks like.
So, we’ve established that I attend church as a consumer. Many of us do. We’ve established that consumerism in the church can’t continue. Until we start working together as a church, living together as a church, loving this world together as a church, we won’t be The Church God called us to be. Friends, we were made for more than consumption – let’s go be more.