In the Midst of the Borderlands

A Place for Pain, Current Events, Risk, We The Church View all 3 comments

Eric Garner, Mike Brown, Tamir Rice.

Three black men who lost their lives at the hands of white policemen.

I have been so heavy-hearted lately over these stories. The night that the decision in the Mike Brown case was announced, I was up for hours watching live coverage of Ferguson- -heartbroken for the people this decision was directly affecting. Hurting for Mike Brown’s family as the still very tender wound of losing a son was ripped open again in the public eye. Wondering what it must be like for black Americans. Wondering what the grand jury members were feeling and thinking that night. Wondering what the spouses and children of officers must be feeling as they send them out to a city of people who see them as the enemy. Wondering what one is supposed to do in the face of such fear and anger and hurt. Wondering and praying.

Now,  do I have opinions about all of this? Absolutely. Are they well informed opinions? Probably not well-enough informed. Right, wrong, lawful, unlawful, an issue of race or of criminal behavior? These things need to be addressed, but in the proper setting, which this particular blog (and many other blogs, that have attempted anyways) is not.

These are the borderlands of “Bedrocks and Borderlands”. There are foundational truths(bedrocks) that we set ground ourselves in as we navigate the challenging terrain before us (borderlands).  I want to take a look at the bedrock and borderland issues before us.

Bedrocks:

-All people were created in the image of God and are intrinsically valuable as a result.

-God, as the supreme creative One, made people to be different. Different gifts, passions, personalities, skin color.

-People were created to live in perfect unity with one another and with God.

-Sin destroyed that unity.

-Later, human arrogance prompted God to confuse language and the physical divide became greater (the spiritual divide is a far as it will ever be).

-Christ made a way for us to be reconciled to God and one another.

-If we know Christ, we are His ambassadors and are tasked with the ministry of reconciliation.

-Because we live in the space between already being justified, but not yet being fully sanctified, carrying out that ministry is difficult.

–All authority rests on His shoulders.

-All truth belongs to God.

Borderlands:

-There is a racial divide in our country.

-There is an imperfect governing system.

-There are countless news sources feeding us different angles and sometimes different stories all together.

-There is the internet and social media, which means anyone, anywhere can share their opinion with the entire world in seconds.

-There are people that are hurting and terrified on both sides of the wall. 

Now, the question becomes, how do the bedrocks help us navigate the borderlands?

If all people are intrinsically valuable because they are made in the image of God, then how we treat and view people needs to change. It is one thing for someone who doesn’t know Christ to live in the world of division but as Christ-followers, we have no excuse. Christ came to reconcile. He gave us the ministry of reconciliation. If our words and actions are speaking into the division rather than speaking into unity, then we are ignoring the blood of Christ. Arrogance caused the division. And arrogance will continue to divide.

If all authority rests on God’s shoulders, then even in a country where the government is self-seeking, or making choices that we don’t agree with, we can trust God. People are broken (sin, remember?). No President, no Mayor, no officer of the law will ever be able to bring peace. They will never be able to even hold up the law they put in place, much less the laws of God. I can’t. You can’t. None of us can. So, when governments make poor choices, even evil choices, when grand juries make decisions we feel are wrong, when we feel oppressed or afraid because of government, when we do our best to govern rightly and people hate us, we trust God.

When we hear reports on the news, flip the channel and hear a different report, surf the internet and find yet another contradicting story, we don’t believe everything we hear. We don’t trust one news source. If we really want to know the facts, we search for them rather than letting them be spoon fed to us. And when we can’t get to the bottom of things, we thank God that what we can’t figure out, He already knows.

And when we can’t get to the bottom of things, we don’t parade around as though we have. Yes, it is easy to voice our opinions and the world of social media has opened the door for everyone to be a lawyer, journalist, jury, etc. But, just because we CAN share our opinions doesn’t mean we should.

When people are hurting and afraid, what is the proper response? Empathy and compassion. More listening than talking.

I’m not suggesting we compromise truth, but I am suggesting that maybe we don’t have a full enough grasp on the situation at large to fully understand truth. And, I am suggesting that even if we do have a good grasp on truth, it doesn’t excuse us from treating people with dignity. We should be moving toward each other but instead, we are drawing lines in the sand and demanding that people pick sides.

As adults, we have a  responsibility to teach the next generation. I can tell you from my own experience and from observing the experiences of many others, that if the only time parents and adults talk about people who are not like them is in a political context, then what our kids will hear is hate and fear. If we are not intentional about stepping into community with people who look, think, and live differently than us, than our kids will not learn to love. And if we think we don’t have a problem with race, or other differences, then I would suggest that, possibly, it is because we have moved into an area of town where we don’t have to be confronted with it. If that is the case, then it may be that we have a huge problem but have set our lives up in a way where we can ignore our sin rather than deal with it.

Perhaps, rather than weigh in on if the officers were right or wrong, if black communities need to deal with the way they treat each other instead, if people are responding correctly in circumstances, we should listen to understand. Perhaps we should cry with each other. Perhaps we should step into hurting communities ready to help restore. Perhaps we should consider if our faith or our fear is informing our lives.

Tis the Season to Be Lonely

A Place for Pain, The Single Life View all 2 comments

Recently, someone inquired about my favorite holiday. I didn’t have an answer. In hindsight, it probably would have been fair to claim National Coffee Day, but that may not have been an acceptable answer. After all, as a follower of Jesus, I am supposed to say Christmas or Easter because they are about our Great Savior. Or Thanksgiving, because I get to gather with family and celebrate all the good things. At the very least I should be claiming an alternate Valentines that’s all about loving thy neighbor instead of thy boyfriend, or the fresh mercies that come with New Year’s Day.

All of those things are great. I love that Christmas is a time to refocus my heart on the incredible strategy and humility of God’s plan for invading the world. I love that Easter is a day to recognize the victory of Christ over death. I want to have a grateful heart and love people well. And I am so thankful that there are new mornings and new years that remind us that God is patient and gives second chances. But, if I’m honest, I don’t like holidays.

There are a handful of things that make the holidays hard, but there is one that rises above the rest.

I am single.

And while I have had my fair share of seasons of bitterness over the absence of a spouse, I have reached a place in my life where I am generally content and thankful for my relationship status. I enjoy being single most days. However, the desire for marriage has not gone away and the holidays, more than the normal days, shine a big, blinding spotlight on my ringless finger.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. Christmases growing up were incredible! We had great traditions. But those traditions die out as kids get older and move away. It’s normal. Waiting for dad to set up the video camera before we run in to tear into gifts would be weird as adults in our 30’s. Most holiday traditions in culture and in the church, are geared toward families. And without a family of my own, holidays just feel awkward. I feel out of place. Christmas Eve services are great, but when you are walking to your car surrounded by moms and dads with their kids, it sometimes makes you dread getting into your car alone and going home to an empty apartment. I’m reminded that I don’t have a husband or kids with whom to share the days. I’m reminded that my life doesn’t look like what I hoped it would, what my parents hoped it would, what my grandparents hoped it would.

A few years back, I had an incredible Bible Study teacher and while I have notes and notes from the times I sat under his teaching, there is one particular lesson that I can recall without pulling out old notebooks. It was during the advent season and he had us turn to Luke 2. He talked about the joy of Christmas, promises kept by God, a great plan put in motion…”But, he said, Christmas is not all joy for everyone.”

In Luke 2, we find a man named Simeon hanging out at the temple. He is waiting, like he has done for years, for God to keep His promise…to send the Messiah…to bring the consolation of Israel. As Mary and Joseph bring Jesus to be consecrated in the temple, Simeon recognizes that this baby is God’s promise fulfilled. And Simeon rejoices. No more waiting! But, some people are still waiting. Christmas, and the glorious reason for Christmas may bring some sense of restoration in the waiting, but waiting is hard…it is always hard. And it is possible that while they are celebrating, they may also be aching, wondering when they will hold the fulfilled promises of God.

There is another that we meet in the temple in Luke 2, Anna. She is a widow. She was married for seven years before her husband died and she spent the rest of her days living in the temple worshipping. This breaks my heart as much as it challenges me. Can you imaging being married for seven years and then losing your spouse to death? Anna didn’t melt away in her heartache, she pressed into the heart of God. She spent her days in worship. Still she had no kids (as far as we know), she had no husband. And it may be that while she worshipped and fasted, she also felt heavy with longing and sorrow. It may be that there are many Annas that we overlook in the flurry of the holidays…men and women pressing into the heart of God but carrying deep pains as well. They aren’t mutually exclusive, you know. Heartache and worship. So much of scripture is the writings of those who longed to honor God and glorify His name and also wondered why He seemed so far, why He took so long.

And let us not forget that at the news of a King being born, babies were murdered. Let us not forget that a little girl…a teenager walked with God into the loss of her own reputation. A man trusted when his relationship seemed doomed. Let us not forget that a 9 month-pregnant, weary-from-travel girl and her burden-carrying husband were turned away time and time again because they would have made the other guests uncomfortable. Let us not forget, that while the song may claim that the night our Savior was born was silent and calm and bright, babies never enter this world silent and calm. Mothers in labor scream bloody murder from the pain. Babies cry and are messy.

For some, holidays highlight the waiting, the longing, the absences in their lives, the miles between what they wish was and what really is. Some are grieving the days that once were, when loved ones sat with them around the dinner table telling stories. Some are trying to maintain an air of strength when in reality they are terrified about how they are going to live out the circumstances unfolding before them. For some, the Thanksgiving feast is a reminder that their families are a mess and can’t be together for more than a few minutes before a war breaks out. Maybe for you, the holidays highlight past mistakes and wrong turns or unmet desires. Maybe, the holidays feel more isolating than most days because, when we are supposed to sit around being thankful and celebrating and singing, you are hurting but heartache seems to have no place at the table. Perhaps you feel like one of the great lords of Narnia, missing out on the glorious feast intended to be enjoyed, because your sorrow has put you into a deep sleep from which you cannot seem to wake.

Well, you are not alone. All of our holidays are marked with pain. Thanksgiving- it’s not a beautiful spotless history. Pilgrims were dying of disease and Native Americans were losing their homes. Valentine’s Day is all about death…a man who was murdered for living out his faith. And Christmas is a fulfilled promise but it wasn’t a peaceful time, it wasn’t without cost. There was deep pain woven into the story. So if you are lonely, sitting in a house full of family and friends but alone, if you are carrying the burdens of life, there is a place for you at the table. There is a place for the heartache.

The Choices We Make

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Yesterday, Brittany Maynard took her life. Two and a half months ago, Robin Williams took his life. Brittany would say their choices to end their lives were very different. Many would call the death of Robin Williams a tragedy while many of those same people would point to Brittany as a hero.

Brittany believed that her choice to decide her own last breath was not the same as suicide because she was going to die anyway from the cancer in her brain.

She wanted to avoid the pain and the vulnerability her death by cancer would cause. So, with the help of a little pill, she made up her mind to avoid it.

The truth is, we are all dying. Every single one of us. And the majority of us will face the vulnerability and in varying degrees, the pain that death brings. Robin Williams was not physically ill. But, emotionally, he was in agony. Would that emotional agony have ended his life? No, probably not. But did it steal from him the quality of life he desired? I would dare say, yes. Did it make him vulnerable? Absolutely.

My grandmother passed away two weeks ago. She died of a tired body…old age. She was in pain for years as her body slowed. And her failing joints, hearing, organs, made her vulnerable. The quality of her life was affected by the process of aging.

Brittany, Robin, Betty Jo…they all faced the same reality. These bodies are broken and temporary.

Brittany wanted a choice. I understand. And, I don’t blame her. Who among us wouldn’t want another option if the only one facing us was an excruciating, humiliating*, lonely battle with death? I would. I would want a way out. I would beg for a way out. Any other way.

Having faced a brief battle of deep depression and many smaller ones, I would venture to say that Mr. Williams had begged for a way out of the pit he found himself in. He wanted to find an option that was less painful. So he ended his life.

My grandmother fought. For years she battled one life-threatening ailment after another. Years before that she battled circumstances that threatened to steal her joy. But she didn’t take another way. She walked through the pain.

My aunt lost her battle with cancer a few years ago. She too chose the long, hard road. She walked through it. Suffered through it. Rejoiced through it.

The truth is many will idolize Brittany for her decision. And sadly, many will crucify her. She made a choice that if we are honest, we all make on a smaller scale often. Avoid the longer, harder road. Avoid the pain. Spare ourselves and the ones we love the mess.

Maybe it isn’t about your physical death. Perhaps you are looking for an easy way around a dying marriage. Or it could be that the job that once was a dream job turned out to be full of heartache. Maybe it was easier to cut yourself off from emotion than to deal with the pain left by parents who abandoned you.

I don’t know what has threatened to leave you weak and helpless. I can’t see from here what has stolen the quality of life that you so desperately want. But, I’m sure, as I have, you have begged for an easier way. I’m sure, as I have, you have taken matters into your own hands and even caused yourself a deep “temporary” pain in order to avoid the longer, harder road.

I believe there is purpose in our pain. I believe that God does not let our pain go to waste. He is in the business of reconciliation.

I don’t think Jesus would be angry with Brittany. I think He would tell her He understands. He wanted a choice too. He wanted another option when the only one facing Him was an excruciating, humiliating, lonely battle with death. He wanted a way out. He begged for a way out. Any other way.

But ultimately, He trusted His Father. He believed that, even if there was no other way, even if the only option was to face death on a cross, His Father would not let Him suffer without reason and His Father would not stop loving Him.

Psalm 23 says, “Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are with me.”

I don’t blame Brittany for wanting a choice, but I wish she had chosen differently.** I want to be a woman that chooses the longer, harder road…the one that leads through the valley of the shadow of death…if that is the road God has written into my story. It’s not because I’m brave. I’m not. But I believe that He walks with me. I believe He is still using our pain to bring reconciliation. Everyday pains and “last days” pains… He walked that road when He could have walked away. That gives me courage. That gives me hope.

*I use humiliating here not to belittle the cause of death but to highlight the weakened and helpless state that death itself brings.

**My prayers are with Brittany’s family as they grieve. The loss of one you love is heartbreaking, regardless of how they left this world. My prayers are also with others who are seeking ways to avoid the pain they are facing. There is hope even in the pain. Ask for help. Ask God to show up. I am confident that He will hear you.